Me Time

I listened to an Audio Book Last night about what successful people do before the rest of the world is awake. It talked about things like, exercise, reading, writing in journals, basically starting your day with "Me Time" before the kids are awake, before the work must begin, before your day becomes so full of "Have To's" that you loose time for the "Want To's". I fell asleep with a new urgency for a full night sleep and an early wake up time to find some "Me Time" before anyone else was awake.

And then reality hit.

1:13 AM:
My 3 year old is in my bed "Mom, I want to lay with you"
Me: "No Buddy, go back to bed"
"Please Mom, I just want to lay with you"
"No Baby, go get your blankie"
"I CAN'T! It's covered in throw up!"
"What?!" Rise to go see if this horrible news is true. Walk through the living room. Find throw up. With my foot.

A Bed on the floor, a bowl for throw up, me on the couch because he begged, and I knew the throwing up wasn't over. He finally emptied his tummy around 2:30 and fell asleep. But I couldn't.

I lie awake worrying, is it the flu? We had the flu a few weeks ago, he almost ended up in the hospital.
I lie awake praying, "Please don't let him be sick again, I can't bare to watch him go through it again"
I lie awake listening to the wind. Wondering if someone is breaking in my house! Only to finally find the courage to look outside and see the wind, is in fact the cause of all the commotion.
I lie awake thinking about all I must do today. The chores, the phone calls, making little To Do Lists in my mind of the "Have To's" and the "Want To's".
I lie awake thinking about all the names I found yesterday while doing Family History. Thinking of where else I can search for William F Singleton and Rachel Parsley that won't lead me to a dead end.
I lie awake.
I lie awake.
I lie awake.

6:00AM My husband comes in, kisses my face and tell me he's going to hike the mountain by our house. I should get up too, I want to get up too. But I'm exhausted.
6:30 My husband, bright-eyed and bushy tailed after his morning jaunt up a hill pulls me off the couch. "Time to wake up Sweetie" I stand, saddened at my loss of my morning. Exhausted.

I look around at the freshly scrubbed spots on the floor where I made sure to clean up every last bit of stomach contents. I look at my sleeping boy on the floor. I look at the kitchen I ensured was clean before I went to bed. And I realize, I still got my Me Time. I just took it at a different time than I had planned. But I still have a few moments. So I write, because that was my true "Want To" of the morning.

For now the Have To's must begin. But I found the time, before the world is awake.

And I love it.

I am grateful for this day.
I am grateful for this life.