Those Eyes

Sometimes I like to lie in my own bed in the middle of the day to gain my composure. I say a little prayer for stength and patience. I pray for forgivness for my moments of anger and frustration set off by a plethora of tiny things that weren't anyone's "fault".

I seek inspriration, I dig within myself to find courage and the kindness that was diluted by the spilt milk at breakfast, and the screams of annoyance in the car.
I remind myself that despite what my 3 year old tells me, it is indeed not the end of the world that I forgot the wipes and his hands had to remain sticky until we got home.
It was not poor parenting, or horrible life choices that led to my 6 year old not undertanding taxes and arguing why $6.00 would not be sufficeint for his $5.99 book fair purchase.
It was not a sign of my shortcomings that my 18 month old felt the need to squish her banana ALL.OVER.THE TABLE.
It was not my weakness that led to me discovering the very last wipe and the very last diaper while changing a poppy diaper.
It was not a lack of education that caused my 6 year old to run out of the "right kind" of underwear this morning.
I am not a horrible Mother because I told my son I didn't want to tie his shoes and begged him to get flip flops on as we rushed out the door.
I am not worthless because I ran out of laundry detergent and forgot to get more at the store, again.
I am not lazy because I chose to leave the mess in the office, in order to work on an Etsy order.
I am not ugly because my hair is the leftovers of yesterday.
I am not mean because I yelled at everyone to "STOP RUNNING IN MY KITCHEN!" and to "STOP JUMPING ON MY COUCH!"

I am human.

And just as my small children are slowly and gradually learning how to deal with their frustrations and emotions, I too am still working out how to manage this life I live. Everyday. Everyday is new and different and filled with new challenges.
Everyday is full of "opportunities for growth".

So as I sit in my room alone, ignoring the baby who is happily playing with my necklaces, listening to the distant argument of my boys over how to properly participate in a 3 legged race (and from what I can tell they have indeed tied themselves together!), I am filled with 2 things sorrow, and gratitude. I am sorry for my moments of weakness, and grateful that despite the fact that I feel like a horrible, rotten, good for nothing Mother, the looks in my children's eyes are enough to remind me that I am enough. Those eyes full of love and compassion, tenderness and forgivness, those eyes full of joy and love.  Where did they learn to be such humans? Where did all of this goodness come from? And then I See. In those eyes are distinct characterists of Christ, and if He Lives in them, then He Lives in me. For I am theirs, and they are mine. I am not a bad Mom, I've just had a bad day. And these spirits that I have been blessed with have reminded me of all the good I must have inside of me.

I am enough, beacuse they are certainly enough. They are children of God, just as I am.