A recent post that popped up on Facebook has disturbed me.
THIS POST Titled "Couple's 10-Year Anniversary Photo Captures What Romance Looks Like When You're Parents" The post was a picture of a couple with 3 children gone wild around them, both parents faces hold looks of exhaustion and defeat while the children seem to be "ruling the roost".
Now, this post itself is not what has caused my sudden desire to write, this was obviously a funny take on an anniversary in the midst of parenthood. I took it as a joke. My disturbance was triggered by the "Likes", "Shares" and "Comments" left by those who completely agreed that this was an appropriate representation of what romance looks like 10 years in to marriage with children.
This post is to those who viewed this as accurate, and those who feared this was accurate and felt more justification in their decision to never wed and/or reproduce!
I beg of you, pay attention! I have been married for almost 8 years, I have 3 children ages 6 and under. And I would like you to know, it's possible to still function as attractive, happy, adults who have adult conversations, have adult outings, shower, put on make up, dress nice, and come home to a house full of children without having a nervous breakdown on a daily basis. How you may ask? Brace yourself....
DATE YOUR SPOUSE!
It's as if this phrase causes fear, anxiety, and eye rolling any time it's brought up. I don't know about you, but I married a man I was dating. We enjoyed dating SO much that we thought, hey, we should make this dating thing more permanent! SO permanent in fact that we live together, eat together, share a closet, pee in the same toilet, use the same dishes, pass out in the same bed, wake up together and do all those things over and over and over again for the rest of our time on this giant ball of land mass we call earth.
Fast forward to the present. All those things happen, in a bit more of a chaotic environment, and with more little people at our feet, but they happen. The difference in our pre children life and our post children life in just that, CHILDREN.
Having children should not be a phase in life in which your relationship gets put on hold for 18-28 years until your children grow up and move out! Having children will undoubtedly make you grumpier, more tired, your house harder to clean, laundry impossible to keep up with, trash pile up and need to be taken out every.single.day. But it should not alter your relationship away from the bliss that it was on your wedding day.
The choice however, must be made, and made daily, to date your spouse.
What does dating entail? Here are a few tips to ensure you don't forget how to date.
*Work For Them I don't mean actually be their employee! I mean work, to take care of them. Stay at homers, clean the house, do the laundry, there is a lot of work to be done at home..so do it! Out of Homers, Take pride in your job, do it honestly, responsibly and with the knowledge that your family depends on you. You must spend time apart so you can miss each other and long to be together, and you also need money, because we live in America and nothing is free!
*Impress Them It's easy to get caught up in the Mom life and put yourself on the back burner. But just as you longed to impress your significant other all those years ago, seek new ways to impress them today. Do your hair, iron your shirt, wash your shoes, change up your make up or put some on! Don't be annoyed if the other doesn't notice, but simply take pride in yourself. Feeling attractive is the 1st step to helping others view you as attractive.
*Notice Them It's easy to get caught up in our own crazy days and stressful circumstances and 3 year old tantrums and traffic jams. It takes a lot of self control to swallow our daily troubles and say "How was your day? Your hair looks nice. The house looks tidy. You look beautiful. You look handsome. I love when your hair is freshly cut. Your face looks nice with a goatee. I like when you wear those earrings...You get the point. And also, the best way to receive a compliment is to give one!
*Serve Them This is my biggest advice! Your husband walks in, he's been at work all day, you've been working non stop at home, you're both exhausted, you both need a time out from the day. This is the moment you've both been waiting for. relief. He seeks it from you, you seek it from him. And this moment will make or break your entire evening.
Husband gets annoyed that you hand him the baby and walk into the bedroom and shut the door. fail.
Wife gets annoyed that husbands bypasses kids and heads straight to the kitchen for a snack and starts making a mess. fail.
Husband walks in, heads straight for wife. They kiss, they ignore the world and the house and the children and for 10 seconds they just hold one another and stand lip locked, soaking in one another. giving each other a tiny boost of energy to tackle that chaos that's sure to commence as soon as their lips separate. They step back and examine each other. and then, they choose to serve.
Wife-"You look tired, go hide in the bathroom for a few minutes and I'll find you a snack"
Husband-"Thanks" (escapes to bathroom, hangs up the towel on the floor and tosses his dirty underwear towards the laundry basket) Heads Back to wife. "Thanks Sweetie, the house seems to have exploded. You can go hide for a minute, I'll find a kid to put up the dishes"
Wife, Smiles (falls in love again..escapes to pee, finally!). Success
*Be Alone Together I will hear no excuses of lack of sitters or money. Add it to your budget, find friends, neighbors, coworkers, family, whoever, to trade with, hire, bribe whatever it takes. Post bedtime picnics in the living room are fine sometimes. But even if it's middle of the day Saturday shopping trips together, leave the house, without children. Pinterest has a whole plethora of dating ideas and I KNOW you know how to work Pinterest!
Make it happen. Put your marriage on top of your priority list and stop pretending its ok to not date your spouse!
Love it, great post!
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